Monthly Merits is a monthly series where I recount and award the month's worthiest moments in merits. Read last month's merits here.
There never was any good in comparing something to another should it leave a person perplexed in the wrath of insecurity and despair. I cannot help as I type this, however, to put together the pieces of a year old month I have quickly torn apart and place it beside the February I have just had. The difference is striking; misery has become a toxic lover sent out on her knees.
I thank my lucky stars for a February filled with work, more work and even more work. Better a month of breathless smiles than one of idle cries. Here are this month's merits.
#1 | AH, THEATRE!
I found myself right smack in the center of two theatre productions at the start of the semester last month, and February has been a long process of preparation for both. On one hand, I am both directing and acting, on the other hand, I am transcribing music and rehearsing with fellow musicians. I admit that patience has been running a little low lately, that tears have become regular companions and that late nights have not been infrequent, but the stress and endorphins have me on a dizzying high of a sense of accomplishment and I have been embracing it with open arms.
Both productions are happening at the end of March, so I expect to be preoccupied for the entirety of this month. Let's see how long I can hold on without falling apart. After all, once you reach the zenith, you gotta come back down.
#2 | FATIGUE
School, rehearsals and events lead fairly and squarely to human interaction. A lot of human interaction. Excessive human interaction. And while I do agree that I have gained control of the ropes of socializing and can hold myself pretty well in conversations, what it costs takes triple the time to recuperate and time is not something I seem to have a lot of these days. Take that on top of 10 hour days of rehearsing and studying and finding spare time to fulfill schedules of pre-scheduled schedules and I am a sleep-deprived, aching and cranky university student.
My body is ridden with exhaustion and I recognize the state of fatigue I am entering into -- I have become a ticking time bomb that, at the slightest bend of my own established rationality, will combust into tears, despair and, I believe at times, flames. Definitely flames.
#3 | THE ROT WITHIN
Human interaction has not been all that bad, really. Aside from the fact that I knock myself out after I shut the doors to gleeful conversations peppered with innuendos and good spirit, I have been enjoying my time with people, classmates, friends.
I've also learnt a lot about myself this month because of people -- namely that I have a horrific tendency to patronize and condescend unconsciously, though I have to admit that this is something I am aware of already but it seems as though the rot has found a time to make itself seen and heard (also, trust me when I say that I have henceforth been actively working on it) -- and I'm eternally grateful.
I wish I have more to add to the month of February, but it is what it is; a month of repetitive work that seem to be working towards a culmination, of which I hope will be in epic worth and proportion, this March. I am beyond exhausted but also beyond excited to see what the month has in store for me.
How was your February?